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Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009, about 8.30pm

Yukito, my BF, my budgie, died from air poisoning. He was killed by my dad's stupidity.

My dad occasionally liked to park his ironing board at the door of my room to iron his clothes (Especially when I'm not at home). And next to the door was my budgie's house. Whenever he irons, he tends to like to use this weird liquid substance, seemed like starch, but it had a heavy (perfume) smell.

This time, because I had to stay back at work, he took this chance to use my room and did his ironing. I believed the dosage of the liquid substance was pretty heavy.

After he had done ironing halfway, HE CLOSED THE ROOM DOOR and the pungent smell condensed within my room. THE CAGE WAS RIGHT NEXT TO IT. It WAS a HEAVY toxic to my budgie.

When I reached home near to 8pm, I opened the door and the pang of fucking heavy perfume smell hit my nostril. Then I saw my budgie lying low at a corner, head downing into the food container.

I took him out and examined him. He was having seizures... His heartbeat was beating fast and he was breathing heavily. I stared at the time, it was 8pm+. Damn, I lost the name card from my previous visit to the vet nearby. And I cannot be sure if the bird specialist worked at that day, nor do I know if it is even opened till late. I tried my best to make the search....

About 8.30pm, I heard a cough from my budgie. I rushed towards it. It's heartbeat started to slow down. And it stared blankly and died right by my very sight.

...

I was at loss.

My very companion for the last 2 years. He is gone. Permanent. Not by natural death. Not by sickness. But was killed via air poisoning. I broke into tears. For a long time I could not stop crying, even though I forced myself not to.

Yukito was so dear to me... I always yearned to go home just to see him and feel him... But he was taken away by a cruel death.

I missed him makings noise every weekend when I slept late...
I missed him hopping on my finger whenever he wants to go back to his cage...
I missed kissing him on his back before I let him go...
I missed his soft feathers that brushed against my cheek....
I missed kissing on his cheek just to tell him I love him...
I missed seeing him angry whenever I taunt him for fun...
I missed him chirping along with the music I played on the computer...
I missed him trying to speak human words in its own ways...
I missed him hiding in my hair when he is scared...
I missed him trying to avoid getting bathed by me...
I missed him walking around my keyboard and examine the monitor...
I missed him talking to himself in the cage when he is bored...
I missed him jumping out of the cage to remind me that he is out of food...
I missed him trying to taunt my cat who is afraid of him and always leaped away...
I missed consoling him when he went on fright suddenly in the middle of the night...
I missed him flying to my shoulder and flapped his wings to urge me to bring him back in...
I MISSED EVERY SINGLE PART OF HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE...

I remembered how impatient I was with him when I first brought him in... Super tame... And now to grown being used to the house... Yet... He is gone, just like that.

When I cried, my cat came in. She stared at the cage and stared at the white cloth I wrapped around him in my hands...

After I buried him and came back... Washed the cage and placed it elsewhere...

My cat walked into my room... Looked around trying to find the cage/budgie, but he was no longer there, anymore.

My cat always come into the room almost everyday (when dad is not at home), just to look at the budgie for minutes or 1/2 an hour... It was like a companionship when I was not around... And I know Yukito feels happy to see her presence too... Yet it is so heartbreaking to watch her walking into the room and no longer find him in...

But yet my father always closes the door to prevent the cat from getting into the room to see him. If he hates the cat in the house, he might as well kill her too.

This is the 1st picture taken together of Yukito and the cat together... [link]

My dad thought the bird was able to bear with the pungent smell (when I can't even stand it at all), not considering it as toxic air to the bird. He only consider about himself, gamble, and his own stupid logic. Why'd he be concern about the welfare of a little bird in the house?

Fuck, I do not know how long am I able to bear with his behaviors. I don't even know if I am able to forgive him. But I know he will never change his mentality. Stubborn men.

I don't think I'll find a replacement for my BF... Not now at the very least... I need some time to mourn for Yukito... And I hope it will not affect my work the following day...

Fuck work, because of work I have to stay back, because of work I could not avoid the death of Yukito. My very companion was gone because of people's ignorance.

The very last moment I had with him taking a nap during a holiday, on my bed with him on my arm or somewhere on my stomach for an hour or so... Before my friends came to my house for a sudden visit. He could have flown back to his cage when I was asleep but he did not...

I love him. I love Yukito. I miss him. A lot.

This is what I have left of him... [link] [link]

And video clips that I fear I'll cry watching... [link] [link] [link]

I may need to take a bit of break to clear my thoughts and adjust to the change of a missing companion... Do bear with me for awhile... I haven't even taken dinner at all after that... Hopefully I can eat for breakfast...

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